Bear With Me.
Ok. So I know it's been a LONG time since we've talked, and it's been an eventful time away from you guys, BUT fear no more, I. AM. BACK. Missed you lots!
I have to be honest, I have been on an emotional roller coaster this past week which is partially to blame for my hiatus. Baby Cub's arrival is getting closer by the minute and there is so much that needs to be done and prepared before he gets here and I feel EXTREMELY behind, And all of this has really taken a toll on me mentally. THE STRESS IS REAL, and I can slowly feel myself slipping into prenatal depression and it scares me knowing that it can harm baby cub. No mother wants to harm their unborn.
Another addition to the stress is being so far away from Baby Cub's father. The women in my family have a history of pushing their children's father away and not caring if he is in their lives or not. I have to admit, when I first found out I was pregnant, I had the "I can do this by myself" mentality as well because that's all I've ever known. However, being so far away from him has really made me realize not only how much I need him, but also how much Baby Cub needs and will need him. Not being able to share this beautiful experience with him everyday hurts to the core. Especially when he's so supportive, caring, and nurturing. It gives me a sense of love and family that I haven't felt in a long time. That's something that I want and need to feel everyday. At this point, I want to do whatever it takes to bring our family together, even if it means moving to Columbia, SC where he currently lives. But, of course, I can't just pick up and go. There's my family here in Virginia that wants me to stay, but in my heart my own little family is so much more important. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and everything they have done for me since I moved back to Virginia, and Virginia will always be home to me, but Virginia is not where I belong anymore. Where I belong is where my heart tells me to go.
I pray for guidance everyday and I hope soon enough an answer will come. But, until then, Cub and I will stay strong.
Tootles,
Kita B.
